I can’t take it anymore. I’ve exhausted almost every common-sense option in the book thus far, and I continue to find myself chasing my tail in circles at the ineptness of government civilian and military employees.  No wonder these people don’t work for the private sector; a handful of them would send a company into bankruptcy just simply due to all the customers switching to the competition because the customers are unwilling to put up with all the bullshit!

As most of you know, I’ve got an upcoming assignment to Italy.  In order for my family to go with me, they have to be medically cleared to ensure that the Air Force medical system has the capacity for their “needs.”  This involves a medical professional filling out an 8-page form on each family member.  Among the concerns with respect to my family are Pam’s bout of Bell’s Palsy from having Brenden (which has been “case closed”) and Marissa’s club foot that needs to be corrected.

I initially went through the Army to get family clearances, since my servicing Air Force base is a 3-hour drive one-way (I mean, it’s all Department of Defense, right?).  I took a half-day to fill out all the appropriate paperwork, and Pam and Brenden spent an entire day at the Army base hospital to gain their medical clearance… only to have the Air Force reject everything we’ve done because “we do things differently and can’t accept it.“  Awesome.  So now I have to repeat everything that’s already been done as well as get every Specialist doctor that’s seen Pam to fill out a separate 8-page form!

Very well, I guess Pam’s primary care doctor, who schedules referrals and handles all aspects of Pam, isn’t certified enough to just simply fill out one 8-page form to cover it all… the fun has to be spread around to everybody to fill out dedicated 8-page forms.  But wait, there’s more!

In the myriad of paperwork that I had provided for the Army family clearance, I had to fill out a 5-pager screening various milestones that Brenden should meet for his age group.  Granted it was meant for a 16-month old child and Brenden is only 14-months old, I filled it out honestly and added up all the numbers in the end to get Brenden’s scoring in various developmental areas.  He did well in all areas except language development, which he scored in the “may possibly need intervention” category.  Big deal right?  A lot of cognitive learning can happen in the span of 2 months when Brenden actually turns 16-months old right?

Only because the Air Force saw the “Brenden assessment” in the Army package (which they refused to accept for clearance purposes), I now have to schedule Brenden to be evaluated with yet another 8-page form to see if he needs speech therapy!  So now we’ve come full-circle: I fill out a form that indirectly says my kid could be speech delayed, the Army doctor sees this and comments on it in the paperwork, the Air Force rejects the paperwork but insists that my kid be evaluated for speech, creating me extra hoops and paperwork all because of my initial assessment I filled out a month ago!!!

Well, I made the mistake of telling the Air Force my quick solution: Pam is a professionally certified and qualified speech therapist!! Brenden and this stupid issue (that I accidentally created, by the way) should be no factor.  But wait, there’s more…

According to the Air Force and government civilian employees that I’m dealing with, they cannot allow Pam to treat Brenden (assuming he even has a speech problem): Pam is not under the TriCare military health system as a sponsored speech therapist.  They won’t even accept it if Pam, as a certified speech therapist, fills out the 8-page assessment on him!  So according to them, I have to waste more of my time and everyone else’s by blowing tax-payer money on a speech assessment that is bogus in the first place!  When does common sense go out the window?  The minute you sign on for a job with the government?

Of course, you never stop learning in this thing we call life… my big take-aways:

1. When it comes to divulging things to government employees, ignorance is bliss.  If the government doesn’t know about it, keep it that way.  This whole Brenden issue would have been avoided if I had put on the form that Brenden speaks 10 words instead of 2 or 3.  (On a side note: I’m counting my blessings that my “servicing” Air Force base is clueless about my broken ankle – I’m getting that one settled by Air Force doctors I actually trust and have a personal connection with).
2. Have Pam fill out the appropriate paperwork to get sponsored by TriCare as a speech therapist.  If the government insists on pursuing this whole ghost-issue of a speech problem with my son, might as well have Pam handle it in the daily things we do with Brenden anyway and have the government pay her for services-rendered.

Of course, to anyone on the outside that happens to find this, this is reeking of sarcasm instigated by a blind and strict adherence to regulations.  Ultimately it’s just me venting because I’m at a loss of trying to apply any semblance of common sense to get my family cleared to go overseas.  OK, I’m all vented out now… let the jackassery continue…