So we finally made it to the land of crumpets, tea, pubs and bad teeth. From Italy, we took the north route through der Fatherland.  I’ve always admired the Germans because typically everything they do is far superior to the rest of the world. Some examples:

  • BMW.  Mercedes.  Need I say more?  I decided to splurge using the “overseas military car deal” on my shit-brown BMW trash hauler (X5), and it’s by far the best vehicle I’ve ever owned… by far.
  • German beer is world-renowned (even though I think the room-temperature, slightly-flat suds serve my senses a little bit better), and of course everyone’s heard of the German Purity Laws (for those that haven’t, they apply to beer… not women).
  • Their military… well, their military before it was crippled circa 1945.  In America’s Revolutionary War, the Hessians were a force to be reckoned with.  In WWI, it took 7+ major countries to unite against Germany and Austria to beat them.  During WWII, it took 11+!  Not only that, but the Germans invented the first true jet airplane.
  • Clocks… of the hand-made variety.  Of course everyone’s seen or heard a cuckoo clock, but some high quality grandfather clocks are known to come out of Bavaria too.
  • Clubbing music; who hasn’t heard of the “inst inst inst inst” that you hear in every European hang out?

So I was caught off guard when I encountered this:

German Toilet

Is it just me?  Do you see it?

How the hell am I supposed to take a clean dump on this thing?  The way my anatomy is arranged on my body, it is almost physically impossible to get that clean “ker-splash”… unless I balance precariously on the front of the lip.  The configuration above just leaves you a sloppy “splat” with proof of your struggle cooling on the porcelain shelf.

Hell, if you must build toilets like this, at least post some reading material on the water tank/inside lid; I’d like to have something to look at while being forced to straddle the water tank in my quest to take the proper poop.

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