Here’s a novice’s guide to cooking and eating Blue Crab (and in turn really grossing out the newbie).

1.  Remember the “R” rule. Blue crab are not in season during any month that contains an “r” (i.e. September, March). Jimmys (the males) have more meat than the Sooks (females) and are more expensive. Sooks have roe (crab eggs) which to some are considered a delicacy…. blech.

2.  Make sure you live in a place where blue crab are available… Eastern shore would suffice.

3.  Go to your local redneck seafood stand based out of a shack in their backyard. Try and avoid running over the pregnant pitbulls lying motionless in the drive as you exit.

4.  Get a big steamer pot with a false bottom, fill bottom with water and vinegar.

5.  Antagonize crabs.


6. Antagonize crabs a little more.

6a.  Pick out dead crabs as they will make you sick.

7.  Put crab to sleep by flipping over and rubbing belly.

8.  Put crabs in steaming pot.

9.  Dump shit-load of Old Bay on.

10.  Repeat steps 8 and 9.


11.  Put lid on (I think the clothes pins on the lid is a myth… they didn’t jump out and attach to my nose or anything).

12.  Say little prayer and thank God for putting crabs on the ark.

13.  Steam 20 or so minutes.  *Warning* once you smell a terrible burnt hair smell they are OVER done.

14.  Serve with cold beer (a necessity).


15.  Watch newbie struggle to figure out how to eat.

16.  Enjoy!

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